The Big WHY – Fitness

I have always been the bigger child in my class. And I definitely never excelled in anything physical. I would rather stay at home, on my video games. So why is this fat, lazy kid contemplating on getting fit now?

In one’s heart of hearts, I have always knew what I wanted from getting fit. But is it compelling enough? Is it dumb? weird? embarrassing?. I have stalked the webs on why people get into fitness. Of course, I have found that people do have very compelling reasons to go into fitness. Might not be as deep as others, but I found that people DO have similar reasoning as mine. So here are mine:

Health. Ok – my body IS not functioning as it used to be. I have gout, hellishly dry skin and on the brink of being a type 2 diabetes. My body felt ruined. I do not feel healthy at all. All I want to do is to sleep though the hours. I get tired very easily. I want to feel energized – to get through the day without contemplating on avoiding or procrastinating on things I can get done. I want to do the things without sickness at the back of my mind, gnawing and stopping me from doing.

Mindfulness. I sometimes find myself having sleepless nights, my mind racing on stupid things I have done, or the crap things I said – when I was 10. Sometimes, my mind would go into the dark side – my failures, my life, my worth…”what if it all ended”. Maybe I do have depression, maybe not. I do not know. But I hate it – I want it to end. For years I have used gaming and reading to escape my dark thoughts. However, as I get older, it does not seem to work as well. “Physically punch out your dark thoughts unto a punching bag, lift it up and let it go as the barbell drop.” – sounds nice, just what I want to do.

Confidence. This. This is the most compelling reason for me. I feel that my lack of confidence have stopped me from doing all kinds of things. It stopped me from – reuniting with old friends, making new friends, trying new things, taking selfies as I travel to new places, getting better on my job – many, many things. I want to lift my shirt up without feeling the non-existential judgement that I subject unto myself . I want to feel free, happy and confident.

“I want to be fit” Writing it down is easy. To follow through – that is hard. But now that I have established my reason for doing it, I will have something to lean on when the going gets tough. Here is to getting the better version of myself. And I hope that this blog can reflect this growth – something that my eyes can affirm, and my heart filled with the warm, fuzzy feelings of accomplishment.

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